I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
