If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
