What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
