omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
