Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
