she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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