I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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