I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize