I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
