After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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