I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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