Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
