So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
