I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
