I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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