my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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