I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
