I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
