My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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