So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
