Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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