I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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