i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
