I puked a lego.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found the puke drawer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
