Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia