a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
