I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
