Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?