Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.