Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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