pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.