Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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