I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
