At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
