I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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