miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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