we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
