Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
