My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
In America we eat man semen.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
