dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
