i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
