i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
