Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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