just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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