she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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