dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
