One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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