yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
