yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
