i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
