Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
