Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
