I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
