if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
