I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
