My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
