I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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