Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
