Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize