I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
