Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
