Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
