please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
