so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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