I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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