I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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