it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
