Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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