My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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