My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
