i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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