My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
