It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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