I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
