and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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