i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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