4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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