So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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