During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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