girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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