I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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