I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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