i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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