Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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